Thursday, December 23, 2010

Road Rage is nothing compared to my Walmart Rage

I went to Walmart today.  I know right now you are thinking "Is she effin' crazy?  Doesn't she know it is 2 days until Christmas, AKA all-hell-breaks-loose-in-Walmart?"

Yes, yes I am aware of that.  But the fact is, we are broke.  Except for a lone Walmart gift card lovingly sent to us by my husband's aunt.  And we needed groceries.  I had to risk it.

By the time I left, I was fuming.  Which isn't surprising.  But I thought I would recount my experience for you guys.

First, finding a parking spot is a joke.  After nearly hitting pedestrians, or rather, being hit by them, I retreated to the end of the lot furthest from where I needed to be: the garden center.  I sighed a sigh of relief as I found a decent spot over there despite knowing I would have to trek across the whole store to get to the groceries.

I grabbed a cart that someone had left on the sidewalk, loaded my kid into the seat, buckled him in and away we go. 

I have a question, why is it that elderly people refuse to come out of their house except at Christmas time?  There was an abundance of cart-pushing, slow-walking, dear, no-so-sweet, older people at Walmart.  And I was lucky enough to get behind all of them.  Yeah, congrats to me.

I headed for diapers first, the necessity of all necessities.  I will happily report that there were no incidents on the way to the diapers.  I did notice a group of people around a clearance rack of Texas Longhorn shirts - a great deal for $5, but not great enough to risk bodily injury.

Then I went for the butter.  I really feel sorry for Walmart employees as they struggle to restock shelves in the midst of such chaos.  Butter retrieval went fairly smoothly. 

Next on my list: sodas.  Not a necessity, but it makes for a much less grumpy husband.  I turn onto the aisle and am nearly hit by a woman with a cart so full it rivals the size of Mt Everest.  I make a mad dash for the soda, and head for the cheese. 

Cheese should not be so difficult to choose.  Really, it just shouldn't.  I mean, don't you go into the store with some idea of what type of cheese you want?  Apparently this wasn't the case for the older lady who stood staring at the cheese with her cart in the way of ALL of it, and her grown (and I mean like 40 y/o) son taking up way too much space as well.  I stood for 5 minutes, though it felt like an eternity, while they debated on what cheese to get, and a line started forming being me.  Then I gave up.  I grabbed the nearest cheese and took off.  It is seriously NOT that important.

I then grabbed some hot dog wieners.  This was accompanied by and evil glare from a woman who apparently thought I was going to grab the summer sausage that she was headed for.  It's okay lady, I am not gonna fight you for the damn summer sausage.

I headed to the front of the store for bread and potatoes.  It only took me 10 minutes to make my way up there.  Good job to me.  Not such a good job to the 256 people I had to wait behind, go around, or nearly run over because they suddenly stopped to chat with some long lost friend.  I wanted to offer them my pen so that they could just exchange numbers and go on their merry way.

Bread and potatoes?  Check.  I even did a drive-by and grabbed some donuts. 

Here comes another battle.  The check-out.  I just don't understand why on earth Walmart has 30 damn lanes, but never more than 12 open at once.  I was able to find a line with only three people ahead of me! Score!

Remember the dear, not-so-sweet older people I mentioned before?  The ones who would just as soon run you over with their scooter as look at you?  I was directly behind such a person (minus the scooter).  This lady unloaded her car onto the belt  Very frustrating to me.  By then I am becoming a little winded and claustrophobic of the crowd.  I take off my jacket as a hot flash hits me.  I fan myself.  I wait.

And wait.

Finally her order has crept up enough that I can unload my cart.  Let me tell you, my checker was less-than-thrilling.  He barely looked up at me at all and he was pretty slow himself (I feel okay saying this because I have been a checker at multiple places and was always kick-ass AND friendly).  After what felt like another year I made my escape.

I decided to go straight outside and walk around the building rather than have to walk through to the garden center and fight the masses.

Getting out of the parking lot was just as challenging as getting in. 

This is the short version of my shopping experience.  I have blocked some out, I'm sure. 

I am appalled at how people forget all manners at this time of year when it is supposed to be about kindness and courtesy.  It may not have been my fault but at every near-collision in that store, I said 'excuse me'.  I did not hear it back from anyone else.  This infuriates me.

What is your worst Walmart experience?

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